I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
