The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I intend to get homeless drunk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
