You smell like stripper and shame
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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