I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
