I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
