Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
