I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
