atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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