In America we eat man semen.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
