the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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