like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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