Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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