rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
As shirtless as possible
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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