6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
