I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
