She is in my trunk
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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