I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
