is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
