I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
