I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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