I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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