Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
