I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
