marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
