whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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