god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
