The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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