So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
