Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
