Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
