i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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