i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
