before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
