Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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