I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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