Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Alive.
So much puke
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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