well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
