I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
