I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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