i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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