I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
