The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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