so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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