Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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