were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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