Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
