Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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