I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I enjoy the company of your penis
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