I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
