Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
