When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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