i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
