How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found a bag of teeth...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
