We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
