You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
