the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
