Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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