I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
