apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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