we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
