My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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