guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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