she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
