My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
