My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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