I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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