You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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